Baseball Humor at

Reproduced with permission from

Pitcher Heckles

  • Hey, pitch! Why do you keep hitting our bats?
  • You can fill a closet with all those hangers!
  • I’ve seen better curves on a square!
  • Hey, this pitcher is like a Watermelon – everybody gets a seed!
  • Serve it up snack bar!
  • This pitcher is getting lit up more times than a joint at a phish concert!
  • The pitcher is as dirty as the ball he just threw!
  • This pitcher is dealing more junk than Fred Sanford.
  • This kid is throwing Slim Jims–straight meat!
  • Be a hooker and work the corners!
  • I’ve seen better pitching in T-ball!
  • This guy’s falling apart like a Wal-Mart Sweater!
  • I’ve seen better pitches by a used car salesman!
  • You couldn’t save a Word file!
  • Call the zoo, he’s getting wild!
  • Flip him over coach he ain’t done yet!
  • You couldn’t strike a note!
  • Ball four do it some more!
  • One finger means fastball, not one mile an hour!
  • The harder you throw, the farther they go!
  • Hey, there’s always softball
  • The pitcher’s got nothing on the ball but his hand!
  • I’ve seen better curves on a dragstrip!
  • I’ve seen better pitchers in a barroom!
  • I’ve seen better junk in a junkyard!
  • I’ve seen better curves on your grandma!
  • I’ve seen better windups on a toy!
  • How about a donation for this walk-a-thon!
  • Call a search party cause this guy can’t find the plate!
  • I’ve seen hot dogs with more mustard on them!
  • He’s got about as much control as two rabbits on their first date!
  • Get a snorkel because he just took you deeply!
  • You couldn’t pitch hay!
  • Pitchout, you’ll get the same result!
  • There is more heat in an Amish home!
  • Save us some time and just throw it into the gap!
  • Maybe you’re a lefty!
  • Babe Ruth is dead. Throw strikes!
  • I’ve seen better arms on a beanbag chair!
  • This pitcher is pac-man…walka, walka, walka, walka!
  • You couldn’t throw a party!
  • You pitch like the plate is high and outside!
  • The first pitch ceremony is over buddy!
  • He’s an equal opportunity pitcher, everyone gets a hit
  • Get out the L-screen, _______ is throwing BP.
  • There goes the no-hitter (preferably after a 1st inning hit)
  • I could walk alongside that pitch!
  • You might as well have them hitting off a tee!
  • Come On, I want to be home in time for Felicity!
  • The home’s not moving around, is it?
  • Throw the ball, not the game!
  • With this guy pitching, the ground crew will have to drag the warning track after the fifth inning!
  • You may as well let him toss it up and hit it!
  • You need to learn a new pitch — it’s called a strike!
  • Someone go out there and put another quarter in the pitcher!
  • You should have a disclaimer, allow four to six weeks for delivery!
  • You need a cut-off man for your pitches!

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