Reproduced with permission from www.heckledepot.com
Pitcher Heckles
- Hey, pitch! Why do you keep hitting our bats?
- You can fill a closet with all those hangers!
- I’ve seen better curves on a square!
- Hey, this pitcher is like a Watermelon – everybody gets a seed!
- Serve it up snack bar!
- This pitcher is getting lit up more times than a joint at a phish concert!
- The pitcher is as dirty as the ball he just threw!
- This pitcher is dealing more junk than Fred Sanford.
- This kid is throwing Slim Jims–straight meat!
- Be a hooker and work the corners!
- I’ve seen better pitching in T-ball!
- This guy’s falling apart like a Wal-Mart Sweater!
- I’ve seen better pitches by a used car salesman!
- You couldn’t save a Word file!
- Call the zoo, he’s getting wild!
- Flip him over coach he ain’t done yet!
- You couldn’t strike a note!
- Ball four do it some more!
- One finger means fastball, not one mile an hour!
- The harder you throw, the farther they go!
- Hey, there’s always softball
- The pitcher’s got nothing on the ball but his hand!
- I’ve seen better curves on a dragstrip!
- I’ve seen better pitchers in a barroom!
- I’ve seen better junk in a junkyard!
- I’ve seen better curves on your grandma!
- I’ve seen better windups on a toy!
- How about a donation for this walk-a-thon!
- Call a search party cause this guy can’t find the plate!
- I’ve seen hot dogs with more mustard on them!
- He’s got about as much control as two rabbits on their first date!
- Get a snorkel because he just took you deeply!
- You couldn’t pitch hay!
- Pitchout, you’ll get the same result!
- There is more heat in an Amish home!
- Save us some time and just throw it into the gap!
- Maybe you’re a lefty!
- Babe Ruth is dead. Throw strikes!
- I’ve seen better arms on a beanbag chair!
- This pitcher is pac-man…walka, walka, walka, walka!
- You couldn’t throw a party!
- You pitch like the plate is high and outside!
- The first pitch ceremony is over buddy!
- He’s an equal opportunity pitcher, everyone gets a hit
- Get out the L-screen, _______ is throwing BP.
- There goes the no-hitter (preferably after a 1st inning hit)
- I could walk alongside that pitch!
- You might as well have them hitting off a tee!
- Come On, I want to be home in time for Felicity!
- The home’s not moving around, is it?
- Throw the ball, not the game!
- With this guy pitching, the ground crew will have to drag the warning track after the fifth inning!
- You may as well let him toss it up and hit it!
- You need to learn a new pitch — it’s called a strike!
- Someone go out there and put another quarter in the pitcher!
- You should have a disclaimer, allow four to six weeks for delivery!
- You need a cut-off man for your pitches!