Reproduced with permission from www.heckledepot.com

Pitcher Heckles

• Hey, pitch! Why do you keep hitting our bats?
• You can fill a closet with all those hangers!
• I’ve seen better curves on a square!
• Hey, this pitcher is like a Watermelon – everybody gets a seed!
• Serve it up snack bar!
• This pitcher is getting lit up more times than a joint at a phish concert!
• The pitcher is as dirty as the ball he just threw!

• This pitcher is dealing more junk than Fred Sanford.
• This kid is throwing Slim Jims–straight meat!
• Be a hooker and work the corners!
• I’ve seen better pitching in T-ball!
• This guy’s falling apart like a Wal-Mart Sweater!
• I’ve seen better pitches by a used car salesman!
• You couldn’t save a Word file!

• Call the zoo, he’s getting wild!
• Flip him over coach he ain’t done yet!
• You couldn’t strike a note!
• Ball four do it some more!
• One finger means fastball, not one mile an hour!

• The harder you throw, the farther they go!
• Hey, there’s always softball
• The pitcher’s got nothing on the ball but his hand!
• I’ve seen better curves on a dragstrip!
• I’ve seen better pitchers in a barroom!
• I’ve seen better junk in a junkyard!
• I’ve seen better curves on your grandma!
• I’ve seen better windups on a toy!

• How about a donation for this walk-a-thon!
• Call a search party cause this guy can’t find the plate!
• I’ve seen hot dogs with more mustard on them!
• He’s got about as much control as two rabbits on their first date!
• Get a snorkel because he just took you deeply!
• You couldn’t pitch hay!

• Pitchout, you’ll get the same result!
• There is more heat in an Amish home!
• Save us some time and just throw it into the gap!
• Maybe you’re a lefty!
• Babe Ruth is dead. Throw strikes!

• I’ve seen better arms on a beanbag chair!
• This pitcher is pac-man…walka, walka, walka, walka!
• You couldn’t throw a party!
• You pitch like the plate is high and outside!
• The first pitch ceremony is over buddy!
• He’s an equal opportunity pitcher, everyone gets a hit

• Get out the L-screen, _______ is throwing BP.
• There goes the no-hitter (preferably after a 1st inning hit)
• I could walk alongside that pitch!
• You might as well have them hitting off a tee!
• Come On, I want to be home in time for Felicity!
• The home’s not moving around, is it?

• Throw the ball, not the game!
• With this guy pitching, the ground crew will have to drag the warning track after the fifth inning!
• You may as well let him toss it up and hit it!
• You need to learn a new pitch — it’s called a strike!
• Someone go out there and put another quarter in the pitcher!
• You should have a disclaimer, allow four to six weeks for delivery!
• You need a cut-off man for your pitches!